Things my Dad says

Just got off the phone with my Dad, who is 85. We discussed what an utter shitshow the debate last night was and how worrisome for the Republic.

Dad says, "I like to talk to you, Henry, because my fears are confirmed. I know I'm not crazy."

I know Dad. I thought about that. I'd like to reassure you but I don't want to lie to you. I thought of one thing I want to say to you, it's why I called:

I will always stand by you.

And I will always stand by you, son.

@hhardy01 That must be an amazing relationship y'all have. I wish I could have a relationship with my folks like that.


Now its good. But took a lot of work, my family split up when I was a teenager. I still have issues with my dad just he's 85 and what's to be gained by old gripes and I can have a good relation or a bad relation, I can't undo the past.

I didn't start to patch things up with my Dad until 2008 and I'd say it took a good 10 years to get to here. Part of it was I wrote him a series of long emails where I told him the issues I have with him. Then I just let it go as much as I could.


@hhardy01 Unfortunately, my parents have each, in their own separate way, decided to endlessly double down on my father's identity as "very conservative". Between that, their unwillingness to be challenged, and their disinterest in learning how to hold space for someone else, most of my existence is simply unacceptable to them and, basically, I perform filial piety out of kindness. I have, in fact, been explicitly told to never actually share my real life with them.

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Yeah at least we were all always politically over in the liberal/libertarian quadrant.

There's definitely stuff my parents never wanted to know... they just trusted me to deal with things quietly. :)

@hhardy01 It's basically been a slow burn since I was a teenager, and growing up queer to rural Southern bourgeoisie teaches you the art of lying very deeply (mostly because Southern bourgeoisie culture is all about lying with nuance). But, I see things like what you and your dad shared, and I can see it could have at least been that if the other side had bothered to come to the table at all.

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