Kit Sunny @roadriverrail@signs.codes

@xj9 I'm curious to hear more about your sense of how wanting to help and heal others is connected to Christianity as well as this vibe I get that you somehow see this as pathological?

Does anyone out there have a particular tool or toy they use to keep their fingers busy? I've decided it's time to try and break my cuticle picking habit, and basically any time my hands are idle and I'm not paying total attention to a task, I'll pick of my own accord. Fidget spinners aren't likely to help, and bonus points if it's at least slightly productive.

@hhardy01 Well, then maybe 20 years will suffice.

@hhardy01 It's basically been a slow burn since I was a teenager, and growing up queer to rural Southern bourgeoisie teaches you the art of lying very deeply (mostly because Southern bourgeoisie culture is all about lying with nuance). But, I see things like what you and your dad shared, and I can see it could have at least been that if the other side had bothered to come to the table at all.

@hhardy01 Unfortunately, my parents have each, in their own separate way, decided to endlessly double down on my father's identity as "very conservative". Between that, their unwillingness to be challenged, and their disinterest in learning how to hold space for someone else, most of my existence is simply unacceptable to them and, basically, I perform filial piety out of kindness. I have, in fact, been explicitly told to never actually share my real life with them.

@hhardy01 That must be an amazing relationship y'all have. I wish I could have a relationship with my folks like that.

So, over in Zuckland, the "memories" algorithm showed me a recent photo from not long before I started my #nonbinary transition. It's not like I'm on HRT or anything, but I was completely shocked by how foreign that 2 year-old picture looked to me. I often feel like I haven't really changed at all, but I kinda have a hard time intuitively thinking of that pic from a couple years ago as "me".

@epilanthanomai PLEASE OH YES PLEASE! Every time someone says "Why don't you just <thing I already tried or default-thing that doesn't fit these needs>?" I have to resist the urge to Hulk out.

@paideuomai Anyway, I definitely agree neurodivergence plays a role, but it's also worth keeping in mind that (1) many people playing that game do it pretty damn terrible (2) most people are describing the one meme that matters to them (3) having a casual sense of memes as part of your language also likely plays a large factor.

@paideuomai I reckon it's also worth noting that I already have a manner of casual communication that lends itself well to becoming meme-expressive. I use turns of phrase and cultural references far heavier than most people I know, and often they're a blend of American, British, and Canadian things that I forget most people don't experience in a big slurry like I do.

@paideuomai I do have some level of visual thinking or at least an emulation of it. I can reason spatially, for example. Aphantasia simply means I don't "see" it. Basically, it's like the words we're typing now. I feel dubious; I can type that as "I'm dubious" or "/giphy squinting fry". In fact, I will often try to giphy an image based on my affective state (e.g. "dubious fry"), then if it fails learn the "canonical" name. It's a bit like kanji.

@paideuomai I think this might be relevant. I communicate in them heavily, especially since giphy is often how I show people my emotional context for a remark on Slack. As a result, these mostly work by my having an internal database of memes. E.g. my mind goes "I'm feeling dubious. Dubious is 'squinting fry'." I initially got 3/5 of those phrases. I got a 4th by thinking "returning with pizzas" without "Troy Barnes" in the mental search.

@paideuomai Out of curiosity, how often would you say you communicate in memes?

@paideuomai I've been on the "Tamarian Language Study Group" FB group for a couple of years now. I also have fairly pronounced aphantasia. I'm not quite sure what you're describing, though, so I can't quite follow.

@wauz @cypnk I'd make my products differently if that was in the cards. It's the folks in supply chain that set that in motion.